No matter how much goodness God shows me, I still doubt. I guess I’m not too strange. Even the people who witnessed Jesus perform miracles with their own eyes doubted His identity and authority. I just wish I could say more for myself. But I battle doubt and discouragement and even God’s work in my present circumstances each and every day.
I can clearly see the chasm existing between my flesh and my spirit. Their is a part of my inner being that soars at the thought of God and His majesty being an ever present reality in my life and a part of my heart that yearns for heaven and the eternal presence of God in my midst; the presence that will end the suffering I and everyone around me experiences daily. But the dark flesh that thrives within all too often glares doubtfully in the face of God and challenges Him to appear on a scene where He promised He already is…
I find myself begging God to forgive my doubt. To look past the vileness of my flesh and see the small crevice of my heart that bears His light. And I know He does.
I know that when God looks at me; somehow, someway in the utter mysteriousness and sheer fathomlessness of His identity, He sees Christ…His perfection in flesh…His beloved faithful one…His spotless, untainted Lamb.
When I fix my eyes on that truth, I fall to pieces in a Holy humiliation that causes me to say…”where you lead, I will follow! How can I not? Look what You have done for me?” In exchange for the likeness of Christ, I will give you my life… and yes, my daily obedience. You know, more than anyone, how I need You, Savior.
If only, Lord, you would grant me the passion and vision to grow into the garment of beauty and perfection that you have decadently adorned me in.
Let me say, like Martha did, all the days of my life, “Yes, Lord, I believe…”