Date: August, 2004
* Eleven months had gone by; waiting, praying, hoping, watching, longing… God had faithfully sustained the vision He gave me each and every day in spite of the enemy’s attempt to destroy it. I would have given up had it not been for the reassuring hand of God. And yet here I was, eleven months into this intangible love affair with no solid sign that Wouter had “caught the vision” himself. I was weary. Stretched out before me was a dry, desolate landscape and I, the thirsty sojourner, was begging for rain. One morning, as I left my cabin to head up to the galley for work, I noticed a new poster hanging on the cabin door across the hall. The scene was a lush garden with colorful flowers, glistening from the rain. Isaiah 35:7 outlined the edges, “The parched ground will become a pool of water and the thirsty land, springs of water.”
I knew our time was coming. And I knew God wanted me to press in and pray it into fruition.
The ship was closing down for a week of rest. It was an annual tradition called “Sabbath Week.” God was leading me to fast and pray for His will to come to pass. I committed to abstaining from food for the entire seven days. I wanted whatever God had for me and I was desperate to take hold of it. Each and every day I sought the Lord for His will, for His grace and for His intervention.
I prayed for Wouter, I prayed for myself and I prayed for our future. Most of all I prayed that God would speak into Wouter’s heart and mind all of the things He already revealed to me. It was one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Every day, God met me. And strangely…I felt closer to Wouter than ever before. It was as if the “chord of three strands” was forming in the spiritual realm. I couldn’t see it with my own eyes nor did I experience it in my tangible reality but somehow, through my fasting and praying…something was happening.
I pray our defenses would fall..that we would seek more to understand than to be understood…that we would “put on love” which is the perfect bond of unity, that no matter how big our differences are, we would be knit together by your calling and our commitment to you, for your love covers all! Let us be humble, gentle, accepting of one another; always drawing off the ample well of God’s love. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will allow God to use you to bring me closer to Him! May Wouter see me as a gift from You! May there never be any doubt that we belong together. God, show Wouter who I am to him that he may know without a doubt that IT IS ME! Provide him with full assurance that he may rest in your perfect will. Let our relationship be the highest example of Christ-like love that can possibly exist between to finite, imperfect people. Lord, bring your plan to pass…
In God’s perfect timing He will reveal me to you and He will place me as a seal upon your heart…
I want to tell you something. I need things from you. I need honesty with sensitivity. Security to go along with openness. Honesty without abandonment. Acceptance without condition. Love me in a way that is unique. If I feel secure, I will flourish.
Wouter, I used to long for the past. But now I long for the future because you will be in it.
I will love you…soon.
*By the end of Sabbath week, I felt that God had sealed us in the heavenly realm. I know it might sound strange, but the absolute sanctity of my fast was profound. I’ve never experienced anything like it since. At the end of the week God gave me this scripture to validate what I was feeling…
Isaiah 37: 26, “Have you not heard? Long ago I ordained it. From ancient times I planned it. Now I have brought it to pass.”
And like a gentle father who is mindful that I am but dust, He also gave me this Psalm 110:4, “The Lord has sworn and will not change His mind.”
And even still, Isaiah 45:2, “I will go before you and make the rough places smooth. I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars.”
From these three scriptures, I knew that not only would God bring it to pass but He would also enable us to work through our differences…
Indeed, our time was drawing near.