Date: Late June through early July, 2004
*Once I knew that the Lord had Wouter and I together in spite our doctrinal differences, it became easier for me believe that somehow, things would work. Rather than praying God would change Wouter’s convictions, I began praying that He would unify us and help us to embrace one another in a God-like way; a way that would level the jagged surface of our spiritual differences. I knew all along that much of these dilemmas were birthed from ignorance; not a lack of knowledge but a lack of understanding for one another. We couldn’t talk yet. Our time had not come and so all of this internal commotion was fueled by a lack of communication. God allowed that for a reason. During that time I learned that God was calling me to love Wouter no matter what he believed, no matter what our differences were. God set my mind and heart on love; the kind with no contingencies or prerequisites…you know, the unconditional kind.
Since there was no neutral counsel onboard the ship, I called my pastor back home; Tony. I had to talk to someone and Tony always gave me wise counsel that I followed without question. What he said eased my conflicted soul: “Jen, do not put your doctrinal convictions above where you believe God is leading you…If He is taking you there, then He is also going to work it all out.”
The nature of my prayers changed quite a bit after my conversation with Tony. I decided not to allow doctrine to divide us and I would not let the enemy use this area of our lives to destroy us before we even started.
Thank you for him! Thank you for carving him into my heart and establishing him into my mind…thank you for his very life and his pure desire to walk with and serve you. Most of all, thank you for the future we have together, the future you have yet to begin. I’m grateful for the privilege of seeing him serve You. Lord, this relationship belongs to you and even though it hasn’t started, I want to acknowledge you as its Author. You are the one writing this story. I give this relationship to you and I rest it in your hands.
I wonder about its purpose and I pray that it serves your kingdom and glorifies your name! I know you will not allow us to battle over our beliefs or try to conform each other to our own views. We will look upon each other as works of your hands and we will love and learn from one another. Lord you are so committed to us and your love for your children is not based on what we believe about you…let Wouter and I mirror that kind of love! Let us walk humbly before you ad humbly before one another.
Thank you in advance for all the laughter and all the love we will extend to one another over the years. God, help me to be the exact woman he needs, give me patience, kindness, discretion with my words, a listening ear and an understanding heart. Show me what makes him who he is…Lord, lead me.
Today, when I saw you I felt like I hadn’t seen you in years even though our last encounter was yesterday. I long to know you better and I pray that God will pour out His grace on me for the rest of this waiting season. I can’t wait to talk to you, to look you in the eyes and express the deepest parts of me. But not yet… God has not sealed us. And so for now, I will continue to pray, learn and hope.
Wouter, it’s not about us and our needs….its not about where we are and what we are doing. It’s all about WHO is at the center. I pray that we will never worry about our next step or our next decision but we continually look to see that we are putting Christ in the position He deserves most, His rightful place: the center. May He be the heartbeat of every move we make. May God be the One we look to, draw from, and seek continually. May I never be a wife who snuffs out the fire in your heart but one who fans the flame within you. Glory be to Him who wrote our days in His book!
I will love you, Me
*On a side note…I love how this story is speaking to me even now, 10 years later. As I read the words I once prayed for our future before our relationship even began, I see how prophetic my requests were. Our life together has been full of uncertainties and yet as we place God in the center, He continually leads and guides us. Thank you, Lord!